Financial Analysts Gifts

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

Global Airlines - "As I come to the Balance Sheet figures, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling."

"Is that just for the night, or for ever?"

"It's amazing. I hear some of them can endure the same boring, pointless positions for years on end!"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Our only hope is a merger so we can become too big to fail.'

'We're projecting growth in the third year, but unfortunately, we'll be out of business by then.'

'Generally, cost-cutting is a good thing. Specifically, too much of a good thing.'

"These financials look right. They smell right -- they're either right or very clever."

"The main reason Bob trades on-line is his dumb mistakes remain anonymous."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Someday, gentlemen, I promise you - the heady days of 'Come a ti yi yippie yippie yay' will be back."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

The argument SEEMS to be that if we don't pay him a HUGE bonus then he'll leave and destroy someone elses business and then we'd have to pay even MORE in a 'competetive' market to get someone equivalently useless to replace him!

"Well we'd value the company at either £24 million. . . less than £100,000 or somewhere in between. But we wouldn't want you to hold us to that."

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

"Good God! Has the dollar fallen that far?"

'I think they're overdoing this merger business.'

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

For the last time, Jenkins, it's FTSE.

"The sky is falling - I just heard it from a very reliable source!"

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'If we wait here long enough will we see the hedge funds fly south for the winter?'

"I can't take all the credit, but I did help drive this company into the ground."

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

"When it comes to balancing the budget, unfortunately he has the minus touch."

"I want you to come up with a new word to define 'profits'."

'Where did you expect he'd be?'

In case of bankruptcy.

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

"It's too late to give a tax cut to the rich, Sire -- They're all poor now."

'We laid off too many people. Our only real revenue came from the employee parking lot.'

'Sometimes late at night I'm not sure the leading economic indicators know where they're going,'