Financial Analysts Gifts

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

"Is that just for the night, or for ever?"

Global Airlines - "As I come to the Balance Sheet figures, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling."

"It's amazing. I hear some of them can endure the same boring, pointless positions for years on end!"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'We're projecting growth in the third year, but unfortunately, we'll be out of business by then.'

'Our only hope is a merger so we can become too big to fail.'

"These financials look right. They smell right -- they're either right or very clever."

'Generally, cost-cutting is a good thing. Specifically, too much of a good thing.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"The main reason Bob trades on-line is his dumb mistakes remain anonymous."

"Someday, gentlemen, I promise you - the heady days of 'Come a ti yi yippie yippie yay' will be back."

The argument SEEMS to be that if we don't pay him a HUGE bonus then he'll leave and destroy someone elses business and then we'd have to pay even MORE in a 'competetive' market to get someone equivalently useless to replace him!

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Well we'd value the company at either £24 million. . . less than £100,000 or somewhere in between. But we wouldn't want you to hold us to that."

"Good God! Has the dollar fallen that far?"

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

For the last time, Jenkins, it's FTSE.

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'I think they're overdoing this merger business.'

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

"The sky is falling - I just heard it from a very reliable source!"

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'We laid off too many people. Our only real revenue came from the employee parking lot.'

In case of bankruptcy.

"I can't take all the credit, but I did help drive this company into the ground."

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'Where did you expect he'd be?'

"I want you to come up with a new word to define 'profits'."

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

"It's too late to give a tax cut to the rich, Sire -- They're all poor now."

'If we wait here long enough will we see the hedge funds fly south for the winter?'

"When it comes to balancing the budget, unfortunately he has the minus touch."

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''