Financial Analyst Gifts

"We are neither hunters nor gatherers. We are accountants."

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

Bull and bear checking in for work.

'He's from Goldman Sacks.'

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

"And this is where we adjust the interest rate."

"Right now I think the wisest strategy is to diversify among your mattresses."

"Now we just have to sit back and wait for the Fed to bail us out."

"Oh, what the hell, I'll add another zero."

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

'Did you get any feedback on that audit report?'

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

"It's funny how two intelligent people can have such opposite interpretations of the tax code!"

"He manages a broad stock index fund."

"How do you stay so calm about the stock market?"

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Please stop...it reminds me too much of the markets.'

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

"But on the positive side, money can't buy happiness, so who cares?"

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'And, unfortunately, accounting is reporting that 'enough' is no longer enough.'

'Unfortunately, the paper trail led to the shredder.'

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

'I wonder if you could shed some light on this department's high 'miscellaneous expenditure' total?'

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"My job is in finance. This is just my hobby."

'Meet Mummy's new husband. We hope to realize a number of economies through this merger and ask for your patience during the transition period.'

"That would look really good in my office."

"Today on Wall Street, yesterday's panic selling was replaced by panic buying."

"My favorite time of year is earnings season."

'I can get the latest market news from the New York stock exchange.'

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

'I made a real killing on the stock market today. I shot my broker.'

"Today, stocks dropped on news the new federal reserve chief, Janet Yellen, is a 'rookie'."

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'