Communication Decoders Gifts

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Complexity Made Simple.

DIY horror.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

Information vs. confusion

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"The are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't."

"I have some character-building news for you."

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I'll be right with you after I've checked my messages, dear...'

'I hope you are not playing God again . . .'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"Leave the lights burning when you go home. Pass it on."

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"This is my voice mail."

Marooned Optometrist

"I would be bilingual if you were bilingual!"

'It's from the bloke on the other island. It reads; Help. I'm stranded on a desert island.'

Text/Subtext Message

"If we could decipher their language we'd have a clue to their intelligence levels."

'have you ever taken a good look at your paycheck stub? There's one area for what we get and ten different areas for what somebody else gets.'

"Then the hard drive says to the floppy, 110010001110011..."

'His paintings always have a message.'

'Beetles...I heard if you listen to their songs backwards, there are cryptic messages.'

But this doesn't really define me