Commodity Geek Gifts

August 2011: Gold passes oil as the most valuable commodity to invest in.

Lighthouse has energy efficient light bulb.

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

'They don't want to destroy us. They want to cause just enough damage to lower our bond rating.'

Early attempts at standardising currency.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Euro against the Dollar.

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

"We're going to need more pets."

"We've had too much rain - they don't have enough - we'll sell our rain and make millions!"

". . . We're being sucked into the UK national debt!"

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

"Wash your hands after handling these, Miss Utley -- They're toxic securities."

Offshore tax havens.

'Our portfolio is not going anywhere. I'm going to add some transportation stocks to the mix to see if that will move our investments along.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

S**t Creek Halt

"The government's finance settlement is coming out really late this year!"

'What do you mean that you hacked into Old Faithful's computer so now it's not so faithful?'

Famous Pieces of Paper

"Don't worry Mac, I'll have that happy face back in no time."

'Ms. Clayton, we're counting on you to reverse this trend...'

'Bit of an over reaction to a world-wide shortage of bismuth, don't you think?'

"I see your point, but wouldn't it be more fun to spend it while I'm young enough to enjoy it?"

'Hey! This box of 'made in America' stickers has a sticker on it that says 'made in Taiwan'.'

We cater to the small investor.

Sold in May and went away.

Helms Burton Title III

'If there's going to be a double dip, who's joining me in the pub?'

'I'm pretty sure this means the price has finally hit bottom.'

"We're a monopolyopoly. Our company that owns 13 subsidiaries which put on a darn good imitation of competition."

Bank of England Base Rates.

'Actually, Bert, that's a common mistake. This here's an alligator. Crocodiles have a more rounded, U-shaped snout.'