Commitment To Health Pillows

"Phil suddenly decided to give up everything that was bad for him-no more smoking, drinking, or junk food-and he feels absolutely terrific!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

Unconditional Loveseat

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I'm putting all my eggs in one basket.

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

The Female Brain and The Other One

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Wash your hands

Running

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

"After two years of dating, we decided it was finally time to move in together."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"When we met, Marc promised to be the wind under my wings but it turned out to be all hot air."

'Are you serious? I thought 'For Better or for Worse' was just a comic strip.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"