Comment Section Connoisseur Gifts

"Wouldn't it be great if we could do this anonymously online?"

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"My kid could do that."

Sculptor's chippings

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

Barbed Pen

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

Film Critic

"It's too academic."

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Crazy Ideas

Algernon Swinburne

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

Comment on food.

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."