Comment Section Connoisseur Pillows

"Wouldn't it be great if we could do this anonymously online?"

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"I hear you've a complaint about the eggs..."

"My kid could do that."

Sculptor's chippings

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Barbed Pen

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Film Critic

The First Asshole

"It's too academic."

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

Crazy Ideas

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

Comment on food.

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Algernon Swinburne