Commandments Commentator Gifts

'Uh, is there a TEACHER'S edition?'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

Pundits

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"The way I see it, the Constitution cuts both ways. The First Amendment gives you the right to say what you want, but the Second Amendment gives me the right to shoot you for it."

Sportscasters on the Savannah