Comical Swimmer Gifts

Myrtle learns a fatal lesson about swimming during a certain time of the month.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

"Here he comes! Don't move."

As the years passed, Grandpa became more absent minded...

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

Fidel Castro as a lifeguard.

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'I know it's tough starting out. Your father and I started out in a plastic bag.'

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

"Hey buddy move over! This is the fast lane!"

'Ok, that's fine! You have dibs on the big one. I prefer the skinnier ones anyway. They struggle more vigorously which, I think, enhances the taste.'

"Well, I don't know I'd call you lucky, but I do agree your boyfriend is quite a catch."

"Is 'Upstream' where we really want to be?"

Take-A-Break

'Synchronised swimming.'

Non-Smoking and Non-Urinating End at Swimming Pool

Golfer turned Javelin thrower

"Just the bait, please."

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

And today's winner of a special place in Hell is...Guys who wear bikini style bathing suits to the beach...

'Hester had done the triple dozens of times in his mind. Now, however...'

"And that's why there aren't any fish comedians."

Walking the goldfish

Spawning in Seedy Waters.

'You go on without me. I wait half an hour after eating, before I go swimming.'

Swimmers Ready to Dive.

Extra bubbles

"Down the end and second on your left."

'Your Bill is crooked.'