Comical Swimmer Gifts

I don't care if it's a better workout, I'm not wearing ankle weights.

Myrtle learns a fatal lesson about swimming during a certain time of the month.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

The waterslides are fun, but the water seesaw, not so much.

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

I don't care if you hate that word – I'm hangry.

"Here he comes! Don't move."

As the years passed, Grandpa became more absent minded...

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

Fidel Castro as a lifeguard.

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'I know it's tough starting out. Your father and I started out in a plastic bag.'

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

"Well, I don't know I'd call you lucky, but I do agree your boyfriend is quite a catch."

"Hey buddy move over! This is the fast lane!"

"Is 'Upstream' where we really want to be?"

'Ok, that's fine! You have dibs on the big one. I prefer the skinnier ones anyway. They struggle more vigorously which, I think, enhances the taste.'

Take-A-Break

'Synchronised swimming.'

Golfer turned Javelin thrower

Non-Smoking and Non-Urinating End at Swimming Pool

"Just the bait, please."

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

And today's winner of a special place in Hell is...Guys who wear bikini style bathing suits to the beach...

'Hester had done the triple dozens of times in his mind. Now, however...'

Move it, pal. You're in the lap lane.

"And that's why there aren't any fish comedians."

Walking the goldfish

Spawning in Seedy Waters.

'You go on without me. I wait half an hour after eating, before I go swimming.'

Swimmers Ready to Dive.

Extra bubbles

"Down the end and second on your left."

I told you skinnydipping was a bad idea.