Comedy Swimmer Gifts

'Synchronised swimming.'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

"Here he comes! Don't move."

As the years passed, Grandpa became more absent minded...

I don't care if you hate that word – I'm hangry.

Fidel Castro as a lifeguard.

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'I know it's tough starting out. Your father and I started out in a plastic bag.'

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

I don't care if it's a better workout, I'm not wearing ankle weights.

'Ok, that's fine! You have dibs on the big one. I prefer the skinnier ones anyway. They struggle more vigorously which, I think, enhances the taste.'

"Is 'Upstream' where we really want to be?"

"Well, I don't know I'd call you lucky, but I do agree your boyfriend is quite a catch."

"Hey buddy move over! This is the fast lane!"

Take-A-Break

Heimlich's other lesser known maneuver.

"Just the bait, please."

Golfer turned Javelin thrower

Non-Smoking and Non-Urinating End at Swimming Pool

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

Walking the goldfish

Spawning in Seedy Waters.

'Hester had done the triple dozens of times in his mind. Now, however...'

Myrtle learns a fatal lesson about swimming during a certain time of the month.

And today's winner of a special place in Hell is...Guys who wear bikini style bathing suits to the beach...

Move it, pal. You're in the lap lane.

"And that's why there aren't any fish comedians."

'You go on without me. I wait half an hour after eating, before I go swimming.'

Swimmers Ready to Dive.

Extra bubbles

"Down the end and second on your left."

Speedo, Inc. Department of too-much-information, may I help you?...