Satirical Swimmers Gifts

'Ok, that's fine! You have dibs on the big one. I prefer the skinnier ones anyway. They struggle more vigorously which, I think, enhances the taste.'

"Why on earth do you insist on coming to this miserable, isolated, rocky, small island every year to roost? It's covered in guano! Disgusting..."

The waterslides are fun, but the water seesaw, not so much.

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

'You better have a hunting license.'

Fidel Castro as a lifeguard.

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

"Speedo limit 30 waist"

"Hey buddy move over! This is the fast lane!"

I don't care if it's a better workout, I'm not wearing ankle weights.

Take-A-Break

'Synchronised swimming.'

Non-Smoking and Non-Urinating End at Swimming Pool

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

"I wish to complain about the chlorine level in the swimming pool. . ."

"I think he could be the real thing - he's walking on the water!"

'The dominant buck and the alpha wold meet at midfield for the coin toss and this hunt is about to get under way.'

Is the pool open today? What? No, we're a cafe, not the YMCA. Oh. I guess I can't exercise today. I'll have ice cream instead. you gotta admire the pretense.

Superdome: Now Playing Har Bowl.

Myrtle learns a fatal lesson about swimming during a certain time of the month.

And today's winner of a special place in Hell is...Guys who wear bikini style bathing suits to the beach...

"I see you're still lacking in confidence!"

Move it, pal. You're in the lap lane.

"May I recommend Deborah, she has a perfect blend of Merlot and chocolate."

"Down the end and second on your left."

'Your Bill is crooked.'

"Yeah, I know I'm diving at the shallow end."

Speedo, Inc. Department of too-much-information, may I help you?...

The Anti-Gun Lobby Olympics.

101 uses of a dead cat: tennis racket