Swimming Pool Satirist Gifts

"I wish to complain about the chlorine level in the swimming pool. . ."

'Distracting the fish.'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

Bed of Nails on Holiday

'Which end's the shallow end?'

Tentacle attacking diver.

'Is it just me, or does this water feel unnaturally warm?'

Fidel Castro as a lifeguard.

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

"Hey buddy move over! This is the fast lane!"

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

Bomb's Away

'Ok, that's fine! You have dibs on the big one. I prefer the skinnier ones anyway. They struggle more vigorously which, I think, enhances the taste.'

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

'Is this the way to the beach?'

'Which is the deep end?'

Take-A-Break

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

Non-Smoking and Non-Urinating End at Swimming Pool

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

"May I recommend Deborah, she has a perfect blend of Merlot and chocolate."

Sardine funeral

Superdome: Now Playing Har Bowl.

'The dominant buck and the alpha wold meet at midfield for the coin toss and this hunt is about to get under way.'

"I see you're still lacking in confidence!"

"I think he could be the real thing - he's walking on the water!"

'There's always one.'

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

"Did you remember to order a liner for the pool?"

"Down the end and second on your left."