Swimming Pool Satirist T-Shirts

"I wish to complain about the chlorine level in the swimming pool. . ."

'Distracting the fish.'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

Bed of Nails on Holiday

'Which end's the shallow end?'

'Is it just me, or does this water feel unnaturally warm?'

Fidel Castro as a lifeguard.

Tentacle attacking diver.

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

"I don't think he's wearing that snorkel because he wants to swim with us. Especially, since it's lunch time."

Bomb's Away

"May I be candid, Hogarth? I should have thought a shrimp girl would make a more appropriate subject than a girl shrimp."

"Hey buddy move over! This is the fast lane!"

'Ok, that's fine! You have dibs on the big one. I prefer the skinnier ones anyway. They struggle more vigorously which, I think, enhances the taste.'

'Is this the way to the beach?'

I don't care if it's a better workout, I'm not wearing ankle weights.

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

Take-A-Break

'Which is the deep end?'

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

Non-Smoking and Non-Urinating End at Swimming Pool

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

'The dominant buck and the alpha wold meet at midfield for the coin toss and this hunt is about to get under way.'

"I think he could be the real thing - he's walking on the water!"

"I see you're still lacking in confidence!"

Move it, pal. You're in the lap lane.

Superdome: Now Playing Har Bowl.

Sardine funeral

"May I recommend Deborah, she has a perfect blend of Merlot and chocolate."

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen!

'There's always one.'

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

Butterfly catching.

"Did you remember to order a liner for the pool?"