Comic Relief Moms Pillows

"Why would a monster be under your bed? And even if there was, what the heck could I do about it?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

"Touché"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Trust me. Don't do it."

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

A kid squirting gunk from an umbrella.

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'That never gets old.'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

Scarecrow chasing Igor with a brain

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

When clowns run out ammunition.

"I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that what you have on your back may actually be my backpack."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"I've changed my mind"

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'