Comedy Relief Pillows

"I dragged a man out of a burning building. Un"fortunately, it was a fireman...

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Touché"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"Trust me. Don't do it."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

The First Printed Bible

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

Dog Birthdays

A kid squirting gunk from an umbrella.

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

When clowns run out ammunition.

'On Company Time: A Novel'

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

"I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that what you have on your back may actually be my backpack."

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Scarecrow chasing Igor with a brain

"I've changed my mind"

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time