Comedy Relief Pillows

"I dragged a man out of a burning building. Un"fortunately, it was a fireman...

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

"Touché"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Trust me. Don't do it."

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

The First Printed Bible

A kid squirting gunk from an umbrella.

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that what you have on your back may actually be my backpack."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

When clowns run out ammunition.

Scarecrow chasing Igor with a brain

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"I've changed my mind"

'On Company Time: A Novel'

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'