Company Comic Relief Pillows

Huffison never discovered the source of security leaks within his company.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Dog Birthdays

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

Tourist in the desert

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

Break Glass in Case of Stress

"I don't know, what do you want to do today?"

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'On Company Time: A Novel'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'