Comic Relief Contractor Pillows

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

The First Printed Bible

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

One more ring andBbob would set off the Solicitor Glove.

How's my driving?

"The economy's terrible. I can't find anything in my field." "What field are you in?"

"You're not a failure - a lot of men come in to difficulty with their girlfirends bra clasps."

To Err Is Human: To Forgive is Against Company Policy.

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

Ace Toys Ltd

"Can you take over the controls? I've got to take a number 4!"

'What you need is some negative growth.'

"Think, man! Think! How did you get this old so fast?!"

'Then in the fourth grade...'

"He's working from home today."

"Hey, this is a marathon, not a sprint."

'When I gave you, a 77-year-old man, a medication to reverse the aging process, I should have limited the time you should take it'!

'Don't you know too much TV is bad for your eyes...and your morals, attention span, intelligence...'

A sign on the back of a car reads "Just married - Sorry we didn't invite you. It was a small wedding."

' This is 'casual dress day' Rosandich..When I introduce a 'ridiculous dress day' I'll let you know!'

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."