Comic Relief Contractor Gifts

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

The First Printed Bible

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"It's a wheeble or some such thing, but still no sign of a deoderant."

One more ring andBbob would set off the Solicitor Glove.

"The economy's terrible. I can't find anything in my field." "What field are you in?"

"You're not a failure - a lot of men come in to difficulty with their girlfirends bra clasps."

How's my driving?

Waaahhh. Please, Milo. Stop crying. Look, Milo. I'm making a funny face. Waah. I'm waving my arms in the air! Waah. I'm pouring burning coffee on my head. Waaah. Waaaaaaaahhh. Look at this dog. Isn't it disgusting and hairy wairy? Humiliating on every level. Giggle.

"In this issue, Madru casts a mindless zombie spell on his enemies."

To Err Is Human: To Forgive is Against Company Policy.

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

How to become the perfect waiter. Lesson 83.

'Then in the fourth grade...'

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

Ace Toys Ltd

'What you need is some negative growth.'

"Can you take over the controls? I've got to take a number 4!"

"Think, man! Think! How did you get this old so fast?!"

"He's working from home today."

"Hey, this is a marathon, not a sprint."

'When I gave you, a 77-year-old man, a medication to reverse the aging process, I should have limited the time you should take it'!

'Don't you know too much TV is bad for your eyes...and your morals, attention span, intelligence...'

'I would like to have a little talk with both of you!'

"Marriage is supposed to be a union."