Comic Relief Provider Pillows

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

Best Snowblower Ever.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

The First Printed Bible

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

"Yup, looks like your bookcase is full. You might want to start thinking about getting a new one."

"I don't know, what do you want to do today?"

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

'On Company Time: A Novel'

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"We pay the living dead wage."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.