Comic Relief Provider Pillows

Pet Vaccinations Today.

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

Best Snowblower Ever.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

The First Printed Bible

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

"I don't know, what do you want to do today?"

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"Yup, looks like your bookcase is full. You might want to start thinking about getting a new one."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

"We pay the living dead wage."

'On Company Time: A Novel'

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time