Office Comic Relief Pillows

"It's a 300 page government questionaire about cutting back on bureaucracy."

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

'Have I told you how much I value your work?'

'He came in for a job interview three hours ago, and I made the mistake of telling him to make himself comfortable.'

"Sorry, dear, I can't get away now."

"Thanks For Taking Time Out Of Your Busy Day To Chat. Let's Start with Introductions."

Something Missing

'Sorry, I'm afraid I have my hands full with Carol Singers at the moment..'

"Well I don't find it amusing Crudwell."

'Some book-keeping, photocopying, general office duties and some danger...'

"How soon can you start?"

"Stop after leaving that 85th message. We don't want to sound desperate."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Dog Birthdays

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"You've been replaced by a new AI program, but we can keep you on until it's finished it's vacation."