Office Comic Relief Seeker Pillows

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

'It's the speciman you asked me to bring in...'

Deposit. 'Bless you kind sir. '

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

No littering...

"Eat me"

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

The Alpha Seltzer

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Super Heroes.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

My God, I need to fart.

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'I say we invade and secure all those renewable resources.'

'Sorry, everyone. That last chart kind of startled me.'

What do you suggest we do about this?

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

Obama Healthcare.

"What part of 'giddyup' don't you understand?"