Corporate Comic Relief Seeker Pillows

'I'll need to be off for a couple of weeks, Boss, to wait for the cable guy.'

"It has come to my attention that you are living below your means. So, I've decided to give you a pay cut!"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"Eat me"

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

No littering...

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

The Alpha Seltzer

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

My God, I need to fart.

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Super Heroes.

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'I say we invade and secure all those renewable resources.'

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

What do you suggest we do about this?

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"What part of 'giddyup' don't you understand?"

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'Sorry, everyone. That last chart kind of startled me.'