Parenting Comic Relief Pillows

'That never gets old.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

Baby tells other Baby to call.

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

The First Printed Bible

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I tell you, dad, Miss Hamilton is a witch!'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

Tourist in the desert

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

Break Glass in Case of Stress

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'How many times must I tell you? Stop drawing on the bloody walls!'

Impracticle Guide to having Babies

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'