Comedy Club Manager Gifts

'Joking or non-joking?'

Zombie standup

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

The only time cats are known to laugh.

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'Do you know the way to San Jose without breaking into a Bacharach number?'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Hardy Annuals

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

If you hold the conch up to your ear, you can hear the ocean swearing at you.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Would you like to try them out?"

"Do kids eat free?"

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

Hypnotoon

Above reproach.

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Death Beggar