Comedy Club Manager Pillows

'Joking or non-joking?'

Zombie standup

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Would you like to try them out?"

"Do kids eat free?"

I'm a paralegal, it's like a flying doctor, only it's about law.

Hypnotoon

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

Above reproach.

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

Death Beggar

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

"This next song's about spreading risk in a volitile market by diversification"