Comedically Cynical Phone Callers Pillows

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Miss Chambers, requisition me some more clout.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

The Nihilist Deli.

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

Cold caller.

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"But is it art ?"

'This must be the Sea of Tranquility.'

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

Obama builds own gallows.

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

Oink.

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"Ah, damn. Now I'll be triggered all morning."

"Let me get this straight - You're divorcing him because of a fortune cookie message?"

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'A conflict of interest? But that's my favorite kind of conflict.'

'I suffer. What do you do?'

Alexander Graham Bell receives his first telephone call.

'Some words of wisdom son, crime does't pay. However...business crime does!'

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'