Comedically Cynical Gifts

'So when you say 'Jesus Christ that hurts', does that mean for the purposes of patient feedback that you're happy with the standard of care?'

The Nihilist Deli.

'Miss Chambers, requisition me some more clout.'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Blair picks safe poet caureate' "He was just giong through the motions"

Obama builds own gallows.

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

'I've never read such stupid twaddle in all my life, I like it'

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"It's been announced that there will be an inquiry into the Chilcot Inquiry..."

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

"Am I covered for the brain cell damage caused by your TV commercials?"

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

"My trust in politics is limited. The dogs of the left pee on me just as much as the dogs of the conservatives."

'A penny for your thoughts, Bernie... of course I'll have to pay you later.'

Thank God they left out business.

'Nothing. Turn off the porch light.'

"President Elect Donald Trump was killed today. . . when he was crushed under the wight of his own ego."

'World peace? Isn't that just an idealistic cliche?'

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."

'I studied the issues, reviewed the facts, considered all the alternatives and decided 'the hell with it'.'

'There goes an honest politician -- his only campaign promises are 'death and taxes.''

"And if I'm elected I promise to go with the flow."

October: When the foliage is all too fleeting...and those campaign ads are not...

"I will never read that book, and I'm eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

'Everything is illusory, but television is ESPECIALLY illusory.'

"Don't let his appearance fool you, he's a lobbyist with your best interest at heart."

'There's a load of rubbish on the T.V. again.'