Comedic Tension Seeker Pillows

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

'Do you have something in mind?'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Breast Height Chart

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Biological Alarm Clock.

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

Isn't there something about this in th Geneva Convention

"If you'll excuse me fellas. I have to see a man about a dog. Specifically-this dog."

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

How cats see their home

When psychiatry works too well!

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

'That time of year, eh Ben, don't know whether to go hunting or fishing?'

Pirate Paddle Boat.

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

'Do you have an appointment?'