Comedic Situation Seeker Pillows

"This model comes loaded with options, including a parking space in your neighborhood."

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

When psychiatry works too well!

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

How cats see their home

'That time of year, eh Ben, don't know whether to go hunting or fishing?'

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

Knife-thrower.

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

"My dad really went ballistic! I'm not grounded...I'm under house arrest!"

"Hello?- Anyone here?"

Dog on skates.

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?"

"After falling into a vat of radioactive lumbar rub - I discovered at the first sign of danger, I develop this amazing and incredible back back!"

Jungle explorers face giant hairball.

"Wrong hole!"

'To thumb a lift from this one mate, you must be tired of life!'

"I'm trying to find the end of this roll of tape ..."

"Now I'll read a selection from the book I have chosen. Sift a quarter cup of flour into a bowl. . ."

'Do you have something in mind?'

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

Man with a nail in his hammer

'All I see is red ink!'

I thought you wanted me to sell your car.

'I think your anger may derive from the fact that you're driving a minivan.'

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

'Aaaaah' 'Helpline's busy can you hold.'

Fun run vs pitbull parade

"Well, Bella - convinced?"

'He's fine, fine, just recovering from a knockabout game of Ludo.'

I think it's time we started to see other people. This is so sudden when you consider...we met ten minutes ago.