Comedic Situation Seeker T-Shirts

"This model comes loaded with options, including a parking space in your neighborhood."

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

When psychiatry works too well!

'That time of year, eh Ben, don't know whether to go hunting or fishing?'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

How cats see their home

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Knife-thrower.

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

"Hello?- Anyone here?"

"My dad really went ballistic! I'm not grounded...I'm under house arrest!"

Dog on skates.

Jungle explorers face giant hairball.

"I'm trying to find the end of this roll of tape ..."

"Wrong hole!"

"After falling into a vat of radioactive lumbar rub - I discovered at the first sign of danger, I develop this amazing and incredible back back!"

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?"

"Now I'll read a selection from the book I have chosen. Sift a quarter cup of flour into a bowl. . ."

'To thumb a lift from this one mate, you must be tired of life!'

Apex Piano Movers

'All I see is red ink!'

'Do you have something in mind?'

I thought you wanted me to sell your car.

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

Man with a nail in his hammer

'I think your anger may derive from the fact that you're driving a minivan.'

'Aaaaah' 'Helpline's busy can you hold.'

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

Fun run vs pitbull parade

"Well, Bella - convinced?"

'He's fine, fine, just recovering from a knockabout game of Ludo.'