Comedic Tension Devotee Pillows

'Your explanation for all these business dinners with my wife better be good!'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

Dorothy, the lion, and the scarecrow, are suddenly confronted by the tin man of Oz.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Loggerheads

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

'I like your spirit - nine out of ten people would admit roller-disco wasn't for them!'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

Man and Women in a Boxing Ring

'...I really wish you would of told me you wanted to be a ballerina before we got married.'

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

No, thank you, I brought my own bag.

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

Writing about scientific progress in 1675, Isaac Newton said " If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." This metaphor is now commonly used to make the point that scientific advances are made using a foundation built by the work of those who came before. That Newton guy was right, you can see further when you're on the shoulders of Giants. I just wonder if he was talking about the players from the football Giants or the baseball Giants. Ernie is a much bigger fan

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

Blower wars.

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

Eskimo in Igloo

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.

"Also, this apartment comes with easy access to the stray cats in the alley."