Comedic Shower Survivors Gifts

Showering in winter.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

As the years passed, Grandpa became more absent minded...

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Of course being celibate, all my advice is second-hand via the internet..."

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

"Plan B was to supplement my retirement income as a party clown, and that brings me to my loan application."

Michelle was the first in her class to pupate.

Cat in bandages.

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

Dance of the Inconsistent Water Temperature

'I feel unimportant and worthless because the NSA doesn't spy on me.'

'It sounds like the Zulu Standup Comic tribe is restless tonight! I hear rimshots!'

Four days later, it occurred to Geoff that he may have been taking the 'lather, rinse, repeat' instructions too literally.

Shampoo - New Flick In The Eye Cap

In the Museum of Anthropology...we named this one discoman.

'Hester had done the triple dozens of times in his mind. Now, however...'

"A six-inch putt! How could I have missed it?"

"I don't have the $39,000 I need to pay off my student loans - I don't even have the comma."

"Is that a smile on her face?"

"I yelled 'shazam' and there was lightning and a big explosion. They say I was unconcious for two hours."

'...Sorry we're stuck on here without any food.'

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

"I beat the king in golf, now he's having my clubs executed."

"Thank goodness, I'm saved! I've been floating out here lost in the middle of the pool for hours."

'This? This is my bum-flicking towel. It's less fluffy, for that sharper, whip-cracking effect.'

Advent Calendar 2022: Heating/Eating

Desert Island Death.

'I'll give you the keys to my new pick-up truck if you let go.'

'Synchronised swimming,'

I have this really bad itch on my ne

"God, if you get me back to shore, I'll give you everything I own. Okay, fifty percent of everything. How about ten percent plus community work..."

Man makes a foam beard when shaving.