Comedic Grooming Enthusiast Gifts

Man makes a foam beard when shaving.

"Absolutely not!"

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

Missing my hair.

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

In the shaving cut operating room of a hospital.

"I beg your pardon, but a mustache is required in the dining room. Would you like us to provide you with one?"

After deliberating on the topic for weeks, I've decided to grow out my toenails. Why? My mane of hair is lustrous and thick. My musk is overpowering. My muscles, toned. Primal. Sinewy. My chest hair is coifed and glistening. But I can't rest on my laurels. The only way to maximize my animal magnetism at this point is to grow talons. I'm a victim of my success. And here I was worried about world peace.

"Come on, let me cut your fringe! You look ridiculous!"

'YOU try shaving without a reflection sometime!'

"Actually, Occam, the simplest explanation is that you need an electric razor."

Time to trim the eyebrows!

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

The wool club for mammoths.

"Well sir. . . you could have a crew cut, flat top, a stiff quiff, a hi-top fade. . . "

"Can you just give me a quick trim?"

"Yes dear, I'm sure if it were smaller the pepper mill would make a fine ear and nose hair trimmer."

'I don't mind you buying the camouflage suit at the mall, but did you have to wear it home.?

“It’s 2025 Roger, I didn’t think I’d still be seeing the lockdown beard..”

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

'I just got so fed up with bumping into things all the time that I cut my fringe...'

The edge on this blade gives a close shave. Guaranteed to last a lifetime.

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

Man heading towards the House of Mirrors with a shaving kit.

'Every year I say, 'Just a little of the top' but they never listen.'

Lion with hair straighteners.

Boy to Dad about broken razor: 'That's funny. It was working just fine when I groomed the dog this morning.'

Vain dog

"Ed was at that awkward in between stage of letting his hair grow out." "C'mon. C'mon. C'mon..."

For those important occasions when he had to look his best, Barry made sure to wear his anti-dandruff fan.

Walrus Grooming.