Comedic Science Fan Gifts

'He's a genius in genetics, but he can't fold a genome map.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Figures from 'Ascent of Man' diagram all do the Conga: 'Let's all fo the Conga, na-na-na-na ...'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

I told you we were late!

"I'm going to get you fired."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

The life of penguins.

"Actually, not all roses are red. Sometimes they're white as well as numerous other colours. Also I think you'll find that violets are sort of purple..."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

"No son of mine is going into entomology."

'Galileo, I said a right at the corner and then a left.'

E=Emcee Squared

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

'Yes Ma'am, we're from the Governement: We need samples for scientific testing...'

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

Another Screw-up at the Genetics lab. FLASH! What idiot thought of putting a firefly gene in an elephant?!

'Max really likes those genetic markers.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

'He's making tremendous progress. last week he had three tails.'

Just what is it that amoebas really want.

Probe? Don't be silly. Now, take a drink of this solution every 15 minutes until it's gone, and no food for 24 hours.

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."