Scientific Satire Fan Gifts

Research grant for nerve toxin.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"I'm going to get you fired."

"And for god's sake, Man, make sure that you bolt that door after you!"

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"Can you stop complaining about historical inaccuracy and try to enjoy yourself for one minute?"

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

So You've Cloned Yourself

'Galileo, I said a right at the corner and then a left.'

The life of penguins.

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

'Yes Ma'am, we're from the Governement: We need samples for scientific testing...'

"It's an interdimensional portal that can facilitate travel across both space and time... but we mostly use it for storage."

"Actually, I find his murky past rather attractive."

"The physicists doubt it, the chemists want to change it, the psychologists are trying to interpret it and the biologists don't care."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

Ready, Steady, genetically Modify.

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

"And these soya beans were engineered using Human DNA."

'Mr. Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy, and have come to one conclusion: Stick to physics.'

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

"The earth's core changed directions."