Science Satire Fan Gifts

'Quarks, neturinos, mesons. All those damn particles you can't see. That's what drove me to drink. But now i can see them!'

"Rush this patient to the maternity ward! She's about to deliver a baby!"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There's a giant rock coming from the sky, we have to hide!"

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Conference on premature ejaculation'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

Pavlov's cat.

"You not so special just cause walk upright."

"They gave me the Gaus Theorem, the Gauss Method for Quadratics, Gaussian distribution..."

New coronavirus mutation found!

"Why do through the inconvenience of getting a vaccine shot, when we can just do this?"

"Wow. I've invented the hole."

Host Families Required

"I'm trying to make milk out of wool."

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"I've found the stupidity virus."

'Sure, but can you THINK on your feet?'

'Professor Blaupunkt's research, funded by the I.R.S., is to find any signs of taxes on other planets.'

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"I'm going to get you fired."

"Can you stop complaining about historical inaccuracy and try to enjoy yourself for one minute?"

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

So You've Cloned Yourself

'Galileo, I said a right at the corner and then a left.'

The life of penguins.

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Yes Ma'am, we're from the Governement: We need samples for scientific testing...'

"Actually, I find his murky past rather attractive."

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"The physicists doubt it, the chemists want to change it, the psychologists are trying to interpret it and the biologists don't care."