Science Satire Fans Gifts

So You've Cloned Yourself

'So you created everything...including black holes...which will eventually swallow everything...including you.' 'I'm working on that.'

"This could be a boon to mankind, especially - once we take out a patent on it - the mankind in this laboratory."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"I'm going to get you fired."

I told you we were late!

"Can you stop complaining about historical inaccuracy and try to enjoy yourself for one minute?"

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

"The physicists doubt it, the chemists want to change it, the psychologists are trying to interpret it and the biologists don't care."

"Actually, I find his murky past rather attractive."

"It's an interdimensional portal that can facilitate travel across both space and time... but we mostly use it for storage."

Ready, Steady, genetically Modify.

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"And these soya beans were engineered using Human DNA."

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

'Mr. Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy, and have come to one conclusion: Stick to physics.'

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

'STOP! You're injecting the wrong GMO gene!'

'Professor Blaupunkt's research, funded by the I.R.S., is to find any signs of taxes on other planets.'

Lab rat dreams.

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

R and D for a Pharmaceutical company