Science Satire Enthusiast Gifts

'Flat head, bolts in my neck,... I think at least you owe me a free tummy tuck.'

Lab rat dreams.

Plutonium in the commodities trading pit.

"Thank you for submitting the enclosed research paper. Unfortunately, it did not pass our laugh test."

"There's no animal testing in our lab. The emphasis is on group work and development of social skills."

"It was going great - until I dropped my test subject and the five-second rule kicked in."

Evolution to Covid

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

Animal tests have proved that masculine intestinal gas is very dangerous.

"I'm sorry, Henri. I don't think you can sue every science teacher for 'defamation of effect'."

',,,and if your symptoms disappear within three days, I'll get a large grant.'

Ready, Steady, genetically Modify.

'Stay away from Birkmayer. He's developed a dumbing down spray.'

'Well yes, the Lab's research output was down last year, but the whole year was pretty much wasted doing paperwork for the Science Review...'

'Dear, when I die, what ever you do, don't donate my body to science.'

'That's Newton's brother Fig...intelligent designer.'

"We don't know beans about cosmology. Just say 'God created the heaven and earth', and leave it at that."

"I asked for cosmetics but I got ultra-processed foods."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

The Food Chain

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"I'm going to get you fired."

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

"Can you stop complaining about historical inaccuracy and try to enjoy yourself for one minute?"

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'