Satirical Science Enthusiast Gifts

'The bad news is you have disease unknown to medical science - the good news is I'm going to name it after me.'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'Maybe I should have tipped.'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

The Food Chain

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"I'm going to get you fired."

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

Strainspotting

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Can you stop complaining about historical inaccuracy and try to enjoy yourself for one minute?"

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."