Comedic Quipster Gifts

Never mind the Bartoks.

'To cure your dog I suggest you change your aftershave lotion, Mr Lutshbuddle.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

'Is the water cold?'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"I brought my worn out shoes because I heard that confession was good for the sole!"

Jumble Sale

Official Seal

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

Rollercoaster police chase.

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

Fisherman Funneral

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.