Comedic Narrative Lover Gifts

'Fred insists that he is not fat, just too short for his weight.'

"Dad, please tell me again about that mass production and consumerism."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

Three little pigs-mortgage.

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

Christopher Nolan caricature

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

Jonah met a strange wooden boy in the belly of the whale.

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

'I didn't recognize your old boyfriend at first. He's got a new car.'

Anecdote Magazine

Sir Joseph Bowley's

"Boy! That Harvey will do ANYTHING to be the center of attention, won't he?"

"Yes, dear, we're caught in a cycle...but you can hardly call it a vicious cycle."

'Recommended reading' selection of books e.g.'Team spirit, by Geoffrey Boycott'

"He won't get far without this!"

"Sorry, but your story contains way too much reality!"

''What I Did During My Summer Vacation -- A Coming of Age Story....''

"I just can't do it without someone else yelling directions."

'Well, you sure got your message across to the people THAT time.'

Man in a Chain Gang has a Peg Leg.

". . . And, Reggie, if you're willing to give me one more chance, I promise never to flirt with another man again!"

'Don't worry about running out of petrol - I just happen to have a spare two gallon can in my rucksack !'

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Ohmygosh! What? What? Is a Kardashian here? Major scandal. Epic proportions. Infidelity of the highest order. Sadie Cohen has been cheating on Uncle Mort. Can you believe it? Sadie! The very image of perfection revealed as a fraud! She's not the image of perfection. Stick with me. This is for narrative purposes. Oh, fine. No way! But she's so perfect!

'That shark took Bob right out of the boat! Now I'll never get the $50 he owes me.'

What most people don't know is that the 8th Deadly Sin is 'lateness'..."

"If I had to guess I'd say your son's acne is the result of a sudden surge of hormones."

'You give him the estimate - you're bigger than he is.'

Noah's Ark Sculpture

"Hello?...I recently ordered an Indian carpet, but I think you've sent me a Sicilian one!"