Comedic Narratives Gifts

"Yes, dear, we're caught in a cycle...but you can hardly call it a vicious cycle."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

Andy's first airplane experience was marred by his grandmother's stinginess

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

'These, you realize, are just the high points....'

'Please hold your applause until I've read all ten.'

The Harold Pinter theatre...

'Got something! That baby's at least ten pounds. Can't wait to see it surface.'

Furniture from hell.

'When we get back this trip is going to need some embroidering.'

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'Some people never learn, do they? The guy I saved today I've saved twice already!'

"Well, if you haven't seen him, do you know a good recipe for puff pastry?"

"The beginning of another urban legend."

'I went window shopping today. I came home with four double glazed units!'

'I need the loan because I fell asleep on my psychiatrists couch.'

'I'll tell you what mister - I'll lose ten pounds and stop nagging, the same day you act your age, cleanup after yourself, cook your own food and get a brain in that fat head.'

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

"I should have realised she'd poisoned my dinner. It tasted much nicer than usual."

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

"Look! Stem cells and Lipitor from Uncle Henri in Quebec."

asian.babe@mongol.com.

"Travel the dark corridor over shoe mountain. Avoid the couch ogre lest he steal your soul. The third door is the bathroom you seek."

"I could've sworn we only brought two fruit-flies!"

'...then this gorgeous blonde fell into my arms, she's just fallen off the roof.'

'Sure, bring her on. I've always wanted to work on one of these babies.'