Comedic Mystery Gifts

'Well, I heard he was a player.'

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

'You're an inspector now?'

The few moments delay was the downfall of 'The Cat'.

'One thing you can say about Joe, he knows when to stop!'

'Yes Sarge - looks like another carbon footprint'

Mission Impossible

Golf Crime Scene.

"I said I wanted to see you in skimpy clothes..."

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"Yes, dear, we're caught in a cycle...but you can hardly call it a vicious cycle."

'We would like you to accompany us to the station, sir!'

Football coaches get up to mischief

"Haven't you heard? Twenty's the new ten!"

"Ooh, are those Reese's Pieces?"

"I'm a freelance radiologist."

Police crime scene.

"After eliminating all suspects...the murderer can only one person."

'Well, occasionally it is good to see team members outside the office.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'Hey! Knock it off, will ya?'

Castaway Romances

'We've searched the whole house, and there's still no sign of the evidence. To be honest, I'm starting to think we've got the wrong guy.'

"But on the other hand..."

"Number three. Take off the hat and sunglasses."

"Me? Keeping winning scratch cards? Never!! Champagne officer?"

"And so my boss decided to take me under his wing, where I proceeded to get sucked into a jet engine."

'Yes, it was number 4, I'm positive,'

As you can probably tell, I'm easily offended

'Calm down Harold, it's just a phase some teens go through. He just shaved his coloured feathers off to express his feminine side!'

Well, @#^*, I put the wrong net in my GPS.