Comedic Crime Solver Gifts

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

Mission Impossible

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'Yes Sarge - looks like another carbon footprint'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

"He did it!"

Dog detectives

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

'Ragrding our cash-flow problewm, it's agreed then...Sims enters the bank at 10am, Riggs will follow, and Yates drives the getaway car...'

'We've got a new DNA database...'

STRIP Hambone: Computer an accessory to computer fraud

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

"Our forensic scientist quit, so our computer guy has stepped in for now."

Sistine murder

"Well well, Mr. Chamberlain. It seems you've discovered my secret."

'This is a simple case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.'

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

Locking Up Crime

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

'I don't know what happened. One minute she's spooning me. The next minute I'm knifing her.'

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

'In that case we will ALL wait for the results of the lab assistant's DNA test on the chalk.'

"No, that looks nothing like him. Were you even listening to me? Young man, are you on drugs?"

Fair and Balanced Reporting

"It was my upbringing, I was smacked on my bottom when I was born."

'But Holmes, how did you know what the victim had for his last meal?'