Comedic Crime Solver Pillows

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

Mission Impossible

'Yes Sarge - looks like another carbon footprint'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

Dog detectives

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

'Ragrding our cash-flow problewm, it's agreed then...Sims enters the bank at 10am, Riggs will follow, and Yates drives the getaway car...'

'We've got a new DNA database...'

STRIP Hambone: Computer an accessory to computer fraud

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

"Our forensic scientist quit, so our computer guy has stepped in for now."

Locking Up Crime

"Well well, Mr. Chamberlain. It seems you've discovered my secret."

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

Sistine murder

'This is a simple case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.'

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

'In that case we will ALL wait for the results of the lab assistant's DNA test on the chalk.'

Good Cop, Bad Clown: 'Ok, ok I'll tell you what you want! Just make that creepy clown stop staring at me!'

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

'But Holmes, how did you know what the victim had for his last meal?'

Fair and Balanced Reporting

I see you've caught my honey robber.'

"It was my upbringing, I was smacked on my bottom when I was born."

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'