Comedic History Lovers Gifts

'What a Neanderthal! Ork doesn't know his putter from his driver.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

'I'm not trying to take away from the fact that you are a twisted, brilliant genius. . .but what is with the size of this bloody forehead?!?'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"The Doge ate my homework."

'I've invented a device for making people late for work.'

For a few dollars more, we can get a suite. Spaghetti Westin.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'I just can't keep up with all this modern technology.'

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"It's heartbreaking. He blew out his arm training for the season's big modern art exhibit, and he hasn't been able to get anything in the strike zone since then!"

No, thank you, I brought my own bag.

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

"He decided to write a travel book..."

Cave drawing copyrighted.

Eskimo in Igloo

'I'm new here-where are all the nuns?'

'Recommended reading' selection of books e.g.'Team spirit, by Geoffrey Boycott'

If Newton...was hit by a tomato.

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'