Comedic Historian Gifts

Cave drawing copyrighted.

'I just can't keep up with all this modern technology.'

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.

"How are you fixed for sandals?"

"Ok, so, um yeah. So four score and seven years ago today our fath... ...wait, did I do that part already? Sorry, let me find the next part."

'He's already growing out of his rabbit skin -- go kill something bigger.'

Napoloeon

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

Zoo: No Hunting.

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Pop up begger.

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'