Comedic Genius Gifts

'I'm not supposed to lick myself either.'

"Sounds good. No, wait ??" that's my iPod."

'I thought we were going to play doctor.' 'We are playing doctor! I'm a lawyer and I'm suing you for malpractice.'

Fake Near-death Kit.

"I want to be put on lifestyle support."

"This next song's about pain."

'We were told to multi-task so I was attending class while sleeping.'

Are you the technician's assistant responsible for this X-ray?'

Problem solving centre.

'Honestly, how do you expect me to workout when I've yet to compile a 'Top 10 Workout Songs' list?'

Squashed on the road.

Never forgets/Sometimes forgets/always forgets.

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

"My time as a CEO? Oh, I just made that part up to get your attention."

'Let's call him lucky!'

'Let's hope he doesn't turn out to be one of those mystery shoppers.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"Well, I'm not the one who taught him how to use the electric can opener!"

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

'We annoy them, but no one can say we bore them.'

Maybe it was a mistake to give up jogging for blogging.

Dad is in the naughty corner.

Zorbini knew it was time to start using hare color when they were turning gray faster than he could pull them out.

"I've lost 10 pounds thanks to global warming!"

'Come here often?'

First Person

Earl wins first prize, for the most original costume.

Oh, no – The pets found out she's a vet and are asking for free medical advice.

'Yeah, I know this is a BYOB party.'

"What are you trying to achieve?"

Patient playing trick on nurse.

Thanks - I have the worst flying object lag.

Now hiring merry men. I'm afraid you're overqualified.

"Wow! Your dog really is smarter than an honor roll student!"