Comedic Clubber Gifts

"I beat the king in golf, now he's having my clubs executed."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Surf Casting

The only time cats are known to laugh.

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

The Walk of Shame

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Sober Tooth Tiger

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Do kids eat free?"

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

Hypnotoon

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

Gangsta wrap.

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

That's weird - every time I call the self-help hotline, it goes straight to my voicemail.

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

'Listen up, you ghoul fools, at midnight the mummy takes off the wrappings! Heh heh - just kidding folks, but seriously...'

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

His master's chill-out album