Comedic Clubber Prints

"I beat the king in golf, now he's having my clubs executed."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Surf Casting

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

The Walk of Shame

"Do kids eat free?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

Hypnotoon

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Gangsta wrap.

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

Gorgeous Groovers.

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Out of Context Nite with Jeremy Clarkson.

'Listen up, you ghoul fools, at midnight the mummy takes off the wrappings! Heh heh - just kidding folks, but seriously...'

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."